The Mustache Is A Matter Of National Security

The mustache is now a matter of national security. That matter being John Bolton, the President’s pick for National Security Advisor.

Some worry Bolton lusts for war. I’m worried about his bushy mustache. President Trump twice rejected Bolton for jobs because of his mustache. No joke. I wouldn’t want to hire a guy who looks like a cross between Wilfred Brimley, Geraldo and Captain Kangaroo. What is John Bolton hiding under that facial hair? We all know evil people with mustaches like Alex Trebek. There are exceptions, of course. My grandfather had a bushy mustache. He also wore a hat and had a pleasant demeanor, like Yosemite Sam. It was a different time, so he gets a pass. Not John Bolton. Not Alex Trebek.

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